How Pure Are They...REALLY!?
by Sweet Honey
Summary: A silly little fic about the Suzaku Warriors taking a quiz online. Will Chiriko learn some *new* words?! Will Hotohori survive? And who will snap first, Mitsuake or Chichiri?! READ TO FIND OUT!


A/N : Okay, so I was at a website where you could take quizes and stuff . . . a totally hilarious site by the way . . . and i was taking some qu i z e s . wel l , I couldn't believe how. . . er. . . naughty some of the questions were, or how silly, and i started to wonder what it would be like if Miaka, Tamahome, Hotohori, Nuriko, Chiriko, Mitsuake, and of course everyones favorite monk Chichiri took the quizes . . . . so here is my little fanfiction abou it . . . I know I'm a very strange girl who need s a new hobbie, but leave me alone : s n i f f : I JUST GOT REALLLYYYY BORED LAST NIGHT OKAY! ?   
  
  
  
D i s c l a i m e r : I don't own it, I never said I did, so DO NOT SUE ! ! ! Especially the spark.com (where i took nearly all of the questions from) . . . cause I luv your site and im not getting any money from this . . . I'm just using some of your questions . . . . THANKZ! ! DON"T SUE I HAVE NO MONEY !   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
HOW PURE ARE THEY . . . REALLY! ?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Suzaku seishi had all been in the "real world" (via Miaka and a special request) for about two days now, and to put it lightly they were bored out of their minds. They were all in the cellar, and it was the middle of July, which made the heat nearly unbearable. Tasuki was just deciding whether or not to light all the plastic in the room on fire when Miaka burst through the door carrying a big box .   
  
  
  
"Miaka, let me help you!" said Hotohori and Tamahome at the same time, and both gave eachother death-stares and started to fight about who should help Miaka . Of course, Nuriko was the one to actually help. * ^ _ ^ *   
  
  
  
"I know you guys have been kinda bored, so I bought a computer for us to play with! " she said happily, and , seeing their blank stares, realized that they had no idea what she was talking about. "It's ummm . . . like a T.V that you can play games on and stuff."   
  
  
  
"GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! " yelled Chiriko randomly. No one really listened. Ever since he had seen Poke'mon on T.V he had been addicted, and shouts like this were usually followed by -   
  
  
  
BAM! Chiriko fainted from sheer excitement.   
  
  
  
After Miaka had hooked it up (Hotohori and Tamahome both volunteered to help but Miaka wouldn't let them near any electrical appliances after their "toaster incident") everyone gathered around and watched the screen (Chiriko was still on the ground mumbling about a Thunder Shock) .   
  
  
  
"So what can we do with it?" asked Tamahome, and Miaka smiled at him for about 3 minutes before realizing he wanted an answer .   
  
  
  
"Ummmm . . . we could take a quiz! "   
  
  
  
The others shrugged and Miaka went quickly to a website . "Okay, which test do you wanna take?" she asked.   
  
  
  
"How about the Gay Test?" asked Nuriko quickly, looking at Hotohori who started to sweat.   
  
  
  
"No, how about the Purity Test! " yelled Hotohori, nearly blowing out Miaka's eardrum.   
  
  
"Fine Hotohori, but you didn't have to scream!"   
  
  
  
He looked at Nuriko, who was practically drooling. "I beg to differ. " he whispered fearfully.   
  
  
  
"Well . . . " said Miaka . " . . . these tests are supposed to be taken by only one person, so I guess we'll have to take it as a group . How about I' ll answer the first question, and then I'll choose who answers the next one, and then they'll choose who answers the next one, and then they'll choose who answers the next one, and then they'll choose who answers the next one, and then-"  
  
  
" O M G S H U T U P ! " yelled Mitsuake, scaring the shit out of Tasuki .   
  
  
  
"What the fuck was up with that man?! "   
  
  
  
Mitsuake narrowed his eyes at Miaka. "I just couldn' t take it anymore."   
  
  
  
Miaka laughed nervously . "Er . . . all right." she said, and looked at the first questio . "How old am I . . . easy , fifteen years old! "   
  
  
  
"This test sounds easy, no da!"   
  
  
  
"Nuriko, answer the next one . . . "   
  
  
"What is your gender . . . oh really Miaka, how rude! "   
  
  
  
Skip forward a couple of questions . . . . . "Have you ever French kissed ?"   
  
  
  
"Miaka, whats that?" asked Tamahome, because it was his turn. She quickly chose yes and shook her head at him . "Um . . . okay. Mitsuake, your next."   
  
  
  
"Have you ever gotten a hickey - NO ! Chichiri, go ahead."   
  
  
  
"Have you ever fantasized about - ahhhhhhh, No da! I'll take the next one, no da!"   
  
  
  
"Fine." said Miaka, and her cheeks turned red. "Have you ever mast-"   
  
  
  
Chichiri covered his ears . "MY EARS ARE BURNING, NO DA! ! ! ! "   
  
  
"Oh c'mon . . . I'll take the next one." said Hotohori, and Nuriko read him the question.   
  
  
  
"Have you ever been caught masturba- oh Hotohori-puki, do you remember that time-"  
  
  
  
"NO NO NO ! ! ! " screamed Hotohori, and he jumped behind a couch and threw a blanket over himself.   
  
  
  
Nuriko walked over and lifted up the blanket. "Oh sweetie, you can' t tell me that what I saw - "   
  
  
  
" NO ! "   
  
  
  
"- you would lie to your dearest Miaka? " asked Nuriko, and Hotohori poked his head out of the covers for just long enough to hiss out, " Y e s s s s s s s s s !" Nuriko mouthed ' yes! ' to Miaka, who chose that one.   
  
  
  
Tasuki took the next one. "Have you ever consumed alcohol . . . N O DUH!"   
  
  
  
"Hey, you stole my line no da!"   
  
  
  
Tasuki rolled his eyes. "I need a drink." he said and pulled out a bottle from Chichiri's kasa . . . no one mentioned how strange this was . . . it went without saying.   
  
  
  
" Have you ever smoked tobacco? "   
  
  
  
" N o ! "   
  
  
  
" Have you ever eaten food you dropped?"   
  
  
  
"Well I couldn' t let it go to waste guys! "   
  
  
  
" Have you ever performed a strip - tease?"   
  
  
  
" . . . . "   
  
  
  
" Miaka. "   
  
  
  
" . . . . "   
  
  
  
" F O R G O D S S A K E J U S T P U T D O W N Y E S ! "   
  
  
  
" Mitsuake , you got a lot of anger don't you ?"   
  
  
  
" . . . I don' t like to talk about it."   
  
  
  
"What the h e l l is wrong with these fucking questions ! ? " cried Tasuki . " Have you ever urinated in a public place? ! WHO WOULD ANSWER YES TO THAT? !"   
  
  
  
Hotohori coughed loudly from his place under the blankets and Miaka chose yes.   
  
  
  
"I think we should just skip ahead a few questions . . . ." she said, but before the page changed Chiriko asked, "Whats a 'freakin cannon'? "   
  
  
  
"I thought you were passed out no da! "   
  
  
  
  
  
Chiriko smiled. "I' m okay now. " he said, his eye twitching a little. He looked over Miaka' s shoulder. "What does 'pornographic" mean? "   
  
  
  
" P I K A C H U P I K A C H U P I K A C H U ! " yelled Chichiri, and Chiriko fell to the floor with spasms . Everyone let out a sigh of relief.   
  
  
  
"Let's finish this up , quick! " cried Hotohori , who came into their small semi - circle but still held his blanket .   
  
  
  
"Have you ever. . . oh I don' t even know what that word means."   
  
  
  
" S K I P I T S K I P I T ! " yelled Miaka and they skipped to the next page.   
  
  
  
Chichiri smiled as he looked at the next few questions. "These aren' t so bad , no da! " he said happily but then looked down a little on the page. "Oh . . . these questions are naughty, no da! "   
  
  
  
Blood began to drip from Hotohori ' s nose.   
  
  
  
"Have you ever played dress up - " started Miaka, and everyone screamed "N O ! " except for Nuriko. "Ah , you guys are lying! What about that time at the Woman' s Hot Springs - "   
  
  
  
" J U S T P U T Y E S ! ! ! "   
  
  
  
"Mitsuake , if you don't stop yelling . . . hey , why are you so mad at me today anyway? " asked Miaka.   
  
  
  
S i l e n c e .   
  
  
  
"Oh Mitsuake, when I said that the mower was used to cut green spiky things, I wasn't making fun of your hair!" she yelled, but was treated with only silence. "Seriously!"   
  
  
  
They raced through the next couple of questions to ( " DO YOU KNOW WHAT URINE TASTES LIKE! ? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR SOCIETY ! ! ! SICK . . . . interesting . . . BUT FUCKIN' SICK! " ) but had to stop just for the fun of it at a . . . strange question.   
  
  
  
"Have you ever eaten sushi off a naked body? " asked Nuriko to Tamahome. Blood began to pour out of Hotohori ' s nose and Tamahome started to sweat.   
  
  
  
" Miaka. . . "   
  
  
  
" SAY NO Tamahome ! "   
  
  
  
" But . . . Miaka. . . "   
  
  
  
"JUST . . . SAY . . . . . NOOOOOO!!! "   
  
  
  
Miaka sighed and chose no. She quickly went on to the next set of questions. "Why would anyone lick someone else' s eyeballs? " asked Chiriko, and Hotohori started to sway to one side as even more blood fell to the floor . . .   
  
  
"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TAKE A NAP! ? "   
  
  
"Nope , contrary to popular belief I'm not a six year old." he said and narrowed his eyes at the computer . ". . . . I would never pee on someone - "   
  
  
  
" T H U N D E R S H O C K ! " yelled Nuriko , but Chiriko just smiled and shook his head.   
  
  
  
"I ' ve built up an immunity . . . by the way, why would someone have sex with a person they hated? And what IS sex? And - "   
  
  
  
Chichiri frantically looked about , grabbed his kasa and pushed it down over Chiriko's head , which cause him to be lectured for hours by a whithered old woman about the evils of computers ( this fanfiction being just one of them ^ _ * ) .   
  
  
  
Miaka clicked on a button. "And we are . . . . " her mouth dropped open. Hotohori fainted from bloodloss.   
  
  
  
" - 2 % pure, no da? ! " yelled Chichiri, and he bashed the computer with his staff. Miaka began to swear so bad that even Tasuki turned red.   
  
  
  
" WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT? ! " screeched Miaka, throwing herself on the remains of the two - thousand dollar computer. Tasuki passed out because he had been drinking steadily since about halfway through the story, and had only stopped to add random swears.   
  
  
  
"It would have been higher if you and Tamahome had taken a breath in between - "   
  
  
  
"It had to be done, no da ."   
  
  
  
Everyone ( still conscious ) agreed .   
  
  
  
A / N : Sorry, but i suppose silliness is addictive . . . no flames please! Any constructive critisism ? ? ? Its alwayz welcome, but please don' t put it in your review . . . send it to me in an e - m a i l ! ! ! ( I LUV TO GET MAIL ! ) Again , sorry for the overall badness, naughtiness and silliness of this fic . . . it's amazing the things a mind can think of at one in the morning .   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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